Advanced Henge
by lokacobra1993
Summary: Naruto was under an advanced henge that is only broken by a kiss. Guess who kisses her. Now she has to deal with being a ninja, a fan club, and angry sasuke fangirls. The first chapter is bad, but it'll get better. BEING REWRITTEN
1. Bad Luck

(normal POV)

Naruto woke up and realized he was a shinobi. She got up out of bed ready for the day… and promptly tripped on some shirt lying on the ground. After that she got up had her instant cup of ramen in and set out for. Right before she left her apartment she activated her henge and became goofy, clumsy male Naruto instead of goofy, clumsy female Naruto.

He hurried to the academy to begin HIS training. Once he entered he immediately sat next to Uchiha, Sasuke ready to start her normal procedures. Once Sakura had entered the class he immediately started his act and started to drool over her. Sakura promptly shoved him out of the way to sit next to her Sasuke. Going along with his ruse, Naruto immediately crouched in front of Sasuke glaring at him. Sasuke taking it as a challenge glared back. Soon there were only inches a part and both were throwing off sparks.

Watching in interest Shikamaru gestured towards Kiba and whispered something in his ear. Kiba glanced at Shikamaru. Even though he was excited by the idea he had to ask Shikamaru, "Why don't you?" "Its too troublesome."

Kiba made his way towards the desk in front of the glaring duo. He carefully positioned himself and gave a small to send them toppling into each other. As soon as Naruto felt that nudge she tried as hard as she could to miss. Sasuke knew something when he saw Naruto's eye widen. But before either could react Naruto's lips had covered the rest of the area between them. The one thought that kept circling Naruto's head was, "Oh shit."


	2. The Truth

(Sasuke POV)

Immediately after the kiss Naruto jumped away and landed five feet away. Before any of my fan girls could start to pommel him he was surrounded by a hazy shimmer. But his eyes stayed clear. He narrowed them and looked around and his gaze landed on Kiba. Kiba was suddenly knocked on the ground. And then Naruto was there, towering over him like an angry god about to torture him to an inch of his life. Kiba quickly curled into the fetal position. Naruto started beating the crap out of Kiba. While he was hitting Kiba he started to rant, "Do you know how much trouble I'm in because of you! Now the Hokage is going to be pissed. Ni-chan is going to laugh his ass off! Do know how embarrassing that is! Do know how long it took to create this technique! Forever! That's how long! Now everyone's going to treat me different! And now my balance is off! Now I have to buy new clothes and other carp! I can no longer use sexy no jutsu! AND IT'S ALL! YOUR! FAULT!" His voice had steadily growing into a higher pitch until it was screech.

By the end of the rant the haze had disappeared and in its place was someone who was defiantly not Naruto. In place of Naruto was girl. A blonde with her hair in pigtails and an hour glass figure. Unlike Naruto she wasn't short she was petite. Even though all the guys knew she was Naruto they couldn't help but stare. She looked like his sexy no jutsu except younger and not naked. It seemed she had calmed down, until she looked up and saw everyone staring at her. Her face started to color.

I cleared my throat, "Dobe, why are using your sexy no jutsu."

Naruto arched on of her eyebrow and said, "I'm not sure to be insulted or flattered teme."

When I heard the voice I knew there was something wrong. It sounded different. Like the voice she used before was fake. She cleared her throat and said, "Though you do not believe it, this is how I really look like."

Kiba blurted out before he thought about it, "You're a cross dresser." He cringed and went back into his fetal position.

Naruto laughed, "No I'm a girl."

All jaws dropped. I managed to get out an intelligible sentence; "There is no way you could be a girl. A henge would never work and I… I… I've seen you I the bathroom. There's no way you could hide that."

Naruto tried to stifle a giggle; "Even an Uchiha can't say penis without blushing. That's great." At this observation I could feel my face grow warm. No one had made me blush before. No one! Before I could deny anything she said, "To answer question I used a henge that could only be broken by a kiss from the opposite sex. And since no one was gay I thought was gay I thought I was safe. Apparently not."

Before I could say anything else the door opened and in stepped Iruka sensei. He closed the door and told the class, "Sorry I'm late I had to take care of some… things… what's going on." All the students pointed at Naruto. His eyes widened.

AN:

(Author) How will Iruka react (gasp) You'll never know mhuahahahahah! (yes I know this is the lousiest cliffhanger ever)

(Random person) No its not, that was in a random fanfic that's name was lost in the depths of history. Just for an example lets call it Bob.

(Author) Why are you here?

(Random one) To enlighten all ignorant ones.

And how many have you enlightened

Stop mocking me! No the failure it burns! Ah! Stop it! I'm melting! I'll be back in the next crappy chap… gurgle!

Eeeew! Its so squishy (poke, poke). But its fun to bounce on!


	3. Reactions

AN:

(Author) Now the answer to the cliffhanger!

Reactions

(Sasuke POV)

Iruka looked at Naruto and the sighed, "Naruto why did you drop you henge?"

AN: That's right. Iruka knew all along!

Naruto had the decency to blush, "I didn't drop it! It was broken!"

Iruka sighed, "That's impossible, you'd have to kiss a guy", as the full meaning of that sentence finally set in Iruka's eyes started to twitch. "Naruto, what have you been doing. I mean honestly to let your hormones get the better of you."

Through this whole speech Naruto's jaw had done a wonderful impression of a fish (funny mental picture!). By the end of the rant Naruto took control of her actions and pointed a finger at Iruka and said, "FYI! I was doing my part very well! In fact, the henge fell because of my act! So ha!"

Before Iruka could start another rant I intruded into the conversation. "Iruka, you knew that Naruto was a girl?"

Iruka sighed, "Yes Sasuke. All chunnins know this. Personally I think the henge should never had been placed." What's done is done. Sit down and get ready for class."

I decided that today I would sit in a corner seat so only one person could sit next to me (1). Before any of my fan girls could do anything Naruto nabbed the seat, to my relief. However for the whole class I couldn't concentrate. I kept thinking about the blond enigma. She was supposedly dead last, however she had the chakra to hold an advance henge for at least eighteen hours. She couldn't be dumb because she left nothing to chance. She had a "crush", she became a joker so no one would take her seriously, she's able to use an advance technique, and she has created jutsus. Sasuke suddenly blushed a deep red. His mind was now in turmoil, if Naruto was a girl, then what was sexy no jutsu! Was it how Naruto will look like if when she gets older!

(Inside Sasuke's Mind)

A random nerve started running towards the almighty brain. Once there the nerve reported, "Sir, the thought process is making the hormone go wild! If you keep this up Sasuke will not be a badass for a full five minutes!"

"We can't have that! Give me options!"

"Sir, you'll have to shut down!"

"Is that the only option?"

"Apparently, if this thought goes on our reputation will be shot! However there will be a second that stupidity can take hold for one sentence."

"We have no choice, shut me down."

"Yes sir!"

(Normal POV)

If anyone had paid close attention to Sasuke they would have seen his eyes dull a bit.

(Sasuke's mind)

This was the time a devious part of Sasuke's mind was waiting for. Stupidity sprung at the chance and used it for all it was worth.

The random nerve could only sit back and say, "Oh shit."

(Sasuke 's POV)

Before I thought about it I blurted out, "Naruto is that you in the sexy no jutsu?" Luckily only Naruto heard this. Unluckily Naruto was not a fan girl. Before anyone, including me, could react Naruto smashed me into the ground screaming, "Hentai!"

That was heard by everyone, even Iruka stopped what he was doing to stare at me. The first to react was Shikamaru, "I was starting to think he was gay."

All my fan girls said simultaneously, "He is not gay!"

"I believe Naruto just proved me wrong," replied Shikamaru.

The fan girls said, "exactly!" before they thought about what that meant.

By this time I had gotten up and taken a seat again. Iruka sighed and got everyones attention. Things went back to relative normality, besides the fact that all my fan girls were glaring at Naruto. Kind of makes you wonder about their health. They wanted to hear perverted things coming from my mouth. Sad really.

Right before class ended Naruto leaned towards me and said quietly, "Sorry."

I just nodded.

Naruto moved her head away then leaned towards me again and said, "Yes."

I didn't move trying to keep my reputation, but my curiosity won in the end. I leaned and asked her, "Yes to what?"

She giggled and said, "Your question."

(Sasuke's Mind)

The brain was under siege. The hormones had grown powerful. The brain did what he thought was necessary and self destructed."

(Normal POV)

Sasuke was seen fainting, putting his badass rep n the line.

AN:

Why didn't he do that in the first place?

Iruka sighs a lot so sad

So many exclamation points! There's another one! Where are they all coming from (hides under desk and hopes the exclamations don't find him)


	4. Fan Clubs

(Naruto's POV)

I skipped out of class. Do you know how weird it would be if a boy skipped? (I would know, I've done it before 1) Being a girl was already to look up. I could do many things that I've wanted to do. Wear perfume being one of them. I was thinking about having a shopping spree before the villagers figured I'm a girl. I was so deep in thought I wasn't watching my surroundings. If I had I would have seen a scary sight. I was being watched by many many boys, all of them somehow had glasses and the glare was reflected of every one of them (the glasses that is). Some of them had evil grins. While in this case ignorance was both bliss and hell. I didn't see it, but I couldn't prepare for the worst either.

Any ways I just kept skipping along happy that I was no longer a boy. And then it all fell apart. I bumped into the Sasuke Fan Club.

I didn't think it would be bad at first. I was no longer a boy, I didn't have to pretend to like any of them. Maybe I could even make friends with a few of them. Then the vice presidents stepped forward. Then I knew something was wrong. Sakura and Ino weren't arguing. That only happened when it had something to do with a certain Uchiha.

I tried to act normal, "Hey girls, fancy seeing you here."

"Don't try to act your way out of this, Uzamaki!" The entire club yelled this simultaneously. Soon the entire club was yelling at me.

Sakura and Ino finally calmed them and I was just about to thank them when _they_ started to yell at me.

"How dare you do this!" Suddenly out of no where there was a courtroom. I was in the witness chair, Ino was in the judge chair, Sakura was the prosecutor, and everyone was the jury. I kept swiveling around and around. It was a real courtroom! I thought they were crappy ninjas!

(In a random classroom)

"I believe I can explain that," said Einstein. "The fan girls have a hormone that is released at times they're idol is threatened by an outside variable. The hormone is not released when a fellow fan girl makes a move because they have been welcomed into the club via a complex welcome ceremony. (Think a frat initiation except chemically). On a side note: though the hormone isn't released, extreme anger is. Back to the subject. The hormone acts like adrenaline; it enables the fan girl to suddenly boost in power. The amount of power is decided by the amount of adoration the fan girl has. The more adoration the more power. That's how these usually pathetic ninjas suddenly grew in power. This hormone is released from the heart so this effect will probably last for only a short period because humans can't keep pumping out this hormone for long periods of time."

(Back to the courtroom)

Ino banged her gavel, "The case of conniving slut will begin!" Before I could voice my objection Sakura was in front me with a crazy look in my eye.

"Thank you your honor," that's when I knew something was wrong. She had just called Ino 'her honor'. "Let us look at evidence one." She pointed at badly drawn picture of me as a boy.

Ino, pretending not to know asked, "What am I looking at?"

"This is our defendant," stated Sakura.

"But that's not a girl!" Gasped Ino in false shock.

"That's right your honor, this _girl_ disguised herself as a boy to get into our Sasuke's good graces. She thought she would have a better chance at him using this shameless way." This was greeted by angry hisses all around.

I had to get out of this so I quickly stated, "I object, I don't even like the teme." Sadly my statement was used against me.

"See how she objects, even going as far as to insult him! She is clearly trying to enrapture Sasuke! But don't take my word for it! Look at exhibit B." This time the picture was of me plowing Sasuke into the ground. "Everyone was present for this! When Seasick decided to deign to talk to her she immediately scream 'hentai' to make it seem as if Sasuke would deign to think horrible, wonderfully…naughty… thoughts…" Sakura was interrupted by an immense amount of drool coming from all around.

All I could think was, "Ewwww!!!! And I'm glad the witness is so high up!" After that thought drool fell form me above! I slapped my forehead, "Of course! Ino is above me! Nasty!"

Sakura wiped her drool and once again continued her rant, "As for my last piece of evidence look!"

The last evidence was a video clip. It showed me giggling then whispering to Sasuke. Seconds later he fell down in a faint. Suddenly the view focusing on his inner nose, slowly a very small drop of blood dripped out of nose.

The court was silent followed by cries of "death" and "torture". I couldn't even react. I had given Sasuke 'badass' Uchiha a nosebleed! Albeit a small one, but still!

I was brought back to present by the sound of Ino's graveling banging. "It has been decided anonymously that Uzamki, Naruto will be killed."

Okay this had gone on for too long. I preformed the necessary handseals, "sexy no jutsu Uchiha style!" Suddenly the courtroom was felled with Sasukes doing something that stopped all fan girls in their tracks…

…smiling.

All fan girls fainted from blood loss. Naruto made a quick escape from the ruined genjutsu (sp?).

Normal POV)

During Naruto's trial something truly frightening was mobilizing across town. Something that hadn't been seen in Konoha since it creation.

A fan club made by boys.

(Sasuke's POV)

I was walking home acting as badass as physically possible to stop any rumors that I wasn't badass. As I was walking I noticed a suspicious amount of boys going in one direction. This wouldn't be weird except of the fact they were entering an abandoned warehouse.

So for curiosity's sake I decided to sneak in and see what was going on. I jumped onto roof and a landed on a support beam above a strange meeting. I listened for the next with growing disbelief.

(Fan club meeting)

"Welcome all to the first meeting of the Naruto fan club!" If the announcement hadn't been drowned out by cheering everyone would heard a jaw hitting the floor and a strangled "WTF!"

"I am the president of this marvelous fan club, Hitachi, Ichigo!" This announcement was meet with cries of outrage.

"Why are you president!" Yelled a random member. This statement was greeted with much agreement.

"Why? Because I called this meeting," suddenly Ichigo was surrounded by a backdrop of hell, "and nobody else wants to be. Isn't that right!" All this was said in a forced cheerful tone. At the end of that speech most everybody was happy to let him be president.

"Well then, on to the next order of business. First does anybody have any Naruto experiences they'd like to share?" This was meet by many eagerly raised hands. Ichigo randomly picked on someone one in the crowd.

The boy stood up and excitedly said, "When she was skipping on her way home she looked at me!" This was ended in a girlish shriek. The next twenty minutes were spent of _each and every on of them telling how she had looked at them_.

"Now to the next order of business. Naruto is too irresistibly cute and kind to pick a boyfriend. She wouldn't be so cruel. She knows if she picks one all the rest would fall into a state of depression. So to stop this from happening she'll probably yell and be as mean to us as possible to spare our feelings." Stated Ichigo with hearts in his eyes with complete conviction.

Once again if the warehouse hadn't been full of murmurs of agreement they would have heard a jaw hit the floor. Sasuke was looking at the mass below him in disbelief. "How can humans be so oblivious? Is this the kind of reasoning that drives fanboys and girls? No wonder I could never get rid of mine."

Ichigo was just about to adjourn the meeting when one guy stood up and said, "Anyone want to share Naruto pictures!" This was meet by an uproar of "Yes".

Soon everyone was shouting. Everyone was trying to figure who had the best picture.

"I have a picture of her pouting!"

"Oh yeah, well I've got a picture of her sleeping!"

"I've got a picture of her smiling and blushing!"

"I've got a picture of her taking a shower!"

All sound suddenly ceased. All eyes turned to a boy holding a picture of Naruto. Everyone had evil grins with fangs and suddenly everyone had perverted gleams in their eyes.

However before anyone could try to get it, it was suddenly gone. The warehouse was in uproar. Where had it gone! Ichigo tried to get everyone's attention. The clamor went on. Ichigo yelled, "Quiet down before I destroy you all." The silence was instant. "Only one person could be able to do that with reason." Everyone was now hanging on his every word. "We have a powerful enemy, Sasuke Uchiha. To combat this powerful new enemy we must act quickly. We will have to make our feelings clear to naruto before he can. This is what we will do…." Unknown to Naruto this little plan would cause her even more pain.

(Sasuke POV)

I left that place as quickly as possible. I was disgusted by the fact that Naruto already had a fan club. They were as bad as mine were. They had a meeting on the first day anyone knew she was a girl! And they had pictures! Lots of pictures! Even of a picture of her in the shower! That was the … picture… he had in… hand. His eyes flicked down to the picture in hand. That did it. Suddenly a figure was seen sailing through the air apparently lifted from the ground by a stream of blood. And a picture floated to ground innocently.


	5. Sasuke fights part 1

(Sasuke P

(Sasuke P.O.V.)

THUD

I landed hard on the ground after I had seen Narutos picture. I quickly popped up and quickly got rid of every trace of my unseemly landing. After I had erased all traces I took a cursory look around. Forest and a memorial rock greeted me. Good no witnesses.

"So Uchiha can fly now. Go figure."

I turned around so fast I cracked something. It was a gray-haired cycloptic Jounin. Reading a smutty novel.

(Odd reference guide)

A little known fact about the Uchiha clan is that they're stuck up assholes. Some people don't find this hard to believe, however, what remains a mystery is how come nobody has seen a Uchiha do something embarrassing. The answer lies in the Uchiha gene. The Uchiha gene makes Uchiha's naturally stuck up and has a little known side effect. Whenever someone sees an Uchiha do something embarrasing the Uchiha gene makes Uchiha's attack that person with extreme prejudice. Usually that person does not include their fellow family member. There are exceptions however. Sometimes the gene does not exclude fellow Uchiha from their extreme prejudice. It is widely believed this is why Itachi spared Sasuke. He was the only one who was too young to see Itachi as a funny little baby.

(End of odd reference guide)

Before I could fully comprehend what was happening I was throwing a punch at the Jounin. He ducked under my punch.

"Ah, that famous Uchiha temper. If anyone sees a none badass moment it strikes."

I didn't comprehend what he was saying. I threw all the punches and kicks I possibly could at him.

"Your not going to beat me like that," stated the Jounin as he weaved through my barrage as he flipped the page.

I decided it was time for a new tactic. I stopped a quickly started a series of hand seals. "Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu," I yelled.

The Jounin didn't even flinch. He simply turned quickly creating a shield of air without even stopping his smut.

I stopped, panting as my exhaustion seeped into my bones. I can't let him ruin my badassery! As I looked at that smug nonchalant mask covered face I noticed something in his hand. It was Narutos picture! My head started racing. What would this porn-addicted Jounin do with that picture! I couldn't let him have it. I stood up and got back into my attack stance with a slight difference. Instead of having both my feet on the same line I put my back foot a little behind my front foot. I crouched down and I leaped. As I neared the Jounin I saw him disappear, but this time I had already picked the most likely spot of his reappearance and suddenly stopped my charge and launched my kunai.

**SHHHHECCCK**

Suddenly time stood still. The Jounin looked at me wide eyed. Then he looked down at his book and the kunai shaped hole in it. Suddenly his eyes narrowed, "Alright kid, I guess it's time to get serious." He cracked his neck a few times and disappeared.

Suddenly there was a fist in my chest. I was thrown back and then an elbow was in my stomach. As my breath was knocked out of me my back hit the ground. I shakily stood up. There was that annoying Jounin looking at me.

"You shouldn't have ruined that book. It was my favorite." I could have sworn a tear leaked out of eye. I was horrified. I had ruined his favorite smut! Now nothing would distract him from Narutos picture. As this thought crossed my mind I felt a renewed sense of urgency. I couldn't let this man have Narutos picture no matter how big of a dobe she was. As my resolved strengthened my eyes prickled, not uncomfortably, but oddly.

Suddenly he charged again, but this time something was different. He was moving slower this time. I was so amazed I almost got by hit by him, but I managed to side step him in time. Suddenly he stopped. "Huh, you've unlocked the sharingan, how odd. You must have something important to fight for."

The sharingan! Finally! But I quickly squashed my excitement. Now was not the time to celebrate. There was still a perverted Jounin to defeat. "Yes, I do have something important to fight for." Is all I said as I once again settled into my attack stance.


End file.
